You are viewing liesmiths

06 June 2013 @ 07:07 pm

f r i e n d s ; o n l y
hi, my name is julia.Collapse )
tricksterings // gh0stwritings
 
 
i'm visiting deternot for two weeks so i won't be around for a while!
i'll catch up to the inbox backlog and my friend's page as soon as i'm back.

have a grand time while i'm gone, peeps. ♥
 
 
11 June 2013 @ 09:29 pm
tw: some talk about homophobia

there's been a lot of talk about shipping around me lately, more specifically shipping two same-sex characters together that are perceived as straight (why i'm specifically saying perceived as straight will also come up later).
a lot of people have expressed the opinion that they dislike it when people do that and it's a sentiment i've seen around more and more.
that makes me sad.

it makes me sad and at times, it even makes me angry. because i'm willing to bet most of the people who say stuff like that don't mean it maliciously, but they are unconsciously enabling incredibly hurtful attitudes anyway.

you see: i'm queer. that means i like women, men and everybody who doesn't fit in the gender binary. (i've used the word bisexual in the past just because it's easier to explain but i don't identify with it as much as i identify with queer.)
i prefer women or female-presenting trans* people though, which means my relationship (and general "gosh i fancy you") history is also inclined that way.
and i've been made to feel like shit for that by people around me. people heckled me and my girlfriend when we held hands or exchanged a kiss in public.
they've told me i'm gross, wrong, a mistake, that my relationship is a sin and that i'm going to hell for loving another human being. at an especially bad time in 9th grade they even became handsy and shoved me around or threw rocks at me daily for being a "dyke".

i couldn't help feeling the way i feel. it's not like i chose to fall in love with women. (and even if i had, that behaviour would of course still be inexcusable.)
but these people made me feel like a freak, an outcast, for something i couldn't help or could never hope to change.

at that point i was desperately looking for some sort of confirmation that these people were wrong, that my feelings and i were a perfectly normal and acceptable thing.
so i turned to media. i turned to television, i turned to video games, i turned to comics and films and books.

while i've loved fictional worlds since i was a child, it wasn't engaging storylines or interesting characters i searched for at that point of my life. it was validation. i wanted to be shown by my favourite narratives that queer people exist. that queer relationship exist. that we're not deserving of mockery or hate, but of acceptance.
i wanted fiction to give me what i didn't get in the real world.

only it didn't. of course there was the occasional show entirely about queer people for queer people, like queer as folk. there even was the occasional queer character on an otherwise completely straight ensemble. but they were often nothing more than a long list of stereotypes tacked together, written by a straight person who knows nothing about life as a queer but what they learned from the prejudices around them.
i looked at them and thought "that's not me. that's not what i feel like. that's not representation."

i wanted my queer super heroes, who are admired despite their sexuality. i wanted my favourite characters who've been through so much with me to share that one part of my personality that put me through so much grief. i wanted queer love stories along the straight ones to make it abso-fucking-lutely clear to everyone that they're just as valid.
what i got instead was more and more straight characters in heteronormative narratives, more and more relationships between characters of the same sex where the writers jokingly lampshaded they might be queer only to follow it up with "NO HOMO". (i'm looking at you, bbc "i'm not his date" sherlock.)
what i got instead was just another slap in the face.

so i turned to fanfiction.
it was the only medium that allowed me to feel like i have a place in fictional narratives that consists of more than being the butt of stereotyped jokes.
i was able to explore the relationships between same sex characters in a way the medium i was writing for never would, because they aren't brave enough, or maybe because they have their heads buried so deep in their heteronormative assholes that it would take them days to find out again.
i turned to fanfiction because it was my only way of saying "i'm here. i have feelings. i want to be represented. i matter."

another thing that really bothers me is that people generally have a "this character is straight until proven otherwise" mentality, which is part of the heteronormativity i talked about. it's a very black and white view of sexuality.
people aren't always either gay or straight. if i had a boyfriend instead of a girlfriend at the moment, people on the street would probably presume i'm straight, but that doesn't mean i am. the sex of my partner doesn't determine my sexuality.
the same goes for fictional characters. unless the character outright states they are straight, there's no reason to presume they are. just because they've only shown attraction to the opposite sex so far doesn't mean they are incapable of being attracted to the same sex. not only is it a lot harder to be open about same sex attraction, sexuality is also incredibly fluid and can change over time.
writing characters as queer in fanfiction therefore does not necessarily invalidate the character's canon sexuality, it may just fill in the blanks.

99% of media is straight. your sexuality is literally everywhere. does it really hurt you if people take those straight characters and make them queer in fanfiction because that's the only representation they are likely to get at the moment? does that really bother you? it's not as if that will change the source material in some way. they aren't taking anything from you. what other people do with their free time shouldn't affect you one bit.
if it still does, you really need to examine why that is and which attitudes cause you to feel like that, because they likely aren't healthy.

writing fanfiction about queer relationships is incredibly empowering to me and tons of other queer people out there, and ultimately when you say you disapprove of (femme)slash, what you're really saying is that you disapprove of us and the way we choose to express ourselves.
it's one thing to say you're personally not into it, it's another to instigate that it's wrong.
so cut it out please.
 
 
07 February 2013 @ 03:49 pm
i just did a friends cut. if you can't see this post you've been cut.
i really hate doing these, since there's a reason i added everyone who is or has been on my friendslist in the first place and you're all pretty fantastic people.
but sometimes, you just don't really connect. (and i know a lot of this is down to me being a pretty terrible LJ friend.)
i've got no negative feelings towards any of you, and if you'd like to be readded then feel free to comment here. (comments are screened.)
either way, i hope you have a fantastic year ahead of you!
 
 
30 December 2012 @ 04:40 pm

a comedy in thirty parts.
a tragedy in thirty-oneCollapse )
 
 
26 November 2012 @ 03:26 am
 
you are the ____ to my ____
comment to be added. ♥

shel_chan is the holmes to my moriarty.
diesotiosum is the f scott fitzgerald to my zelda fitzgerald.
deternot is the leah to my kid loki.
daleksaresexy is the doctor to my rose.
superjesster is the passive aggressive douche to my manic pixie dreamgirl.
 
 
31 March 2012 @ 09:25 pm
HELLO I am visiting my best friend for a week so I won't be on livejournal until next Monday. c: